That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Small penises have feelings too.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
