why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
