Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
