This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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