On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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