Cold hands, warm shart.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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