I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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