i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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