In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
