i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
