My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
