He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
