Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
two words: eviction party
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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