i need an iv and a liver transplant
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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