saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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