Swine flu. Run for my life!
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
