Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I am naked and annoyed.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
