Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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