Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
