I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
