I think I died a long time ago.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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