dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
