wat bout pragnant strippers??
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.