I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
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I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
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And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I have fence marks all over my body
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.