my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!