My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
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nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes