dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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