put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize