a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
