I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
