I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
