How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
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I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
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Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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