He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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