Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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