you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
