she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She has the best kind of daddy issues
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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