Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
