You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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