Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
