God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think your dad took our porno
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He has the fingertips of a God
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize