I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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