1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
