omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
