im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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