A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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