So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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