omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
