just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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