I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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