Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
