I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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