you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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