There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i may or may not be watching the land before time
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
