I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
