operation harelip BJ is a go
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm having to shit out rocks
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
