found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
