i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
