Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
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