I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
