Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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