WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I have aggressive nipples.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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