Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
