I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
