Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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