I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
