Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
