What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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