So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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