We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
