I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
