I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
