I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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